Dear Single Men: Letters From Six Lovely Single Women (Part 1)
If you know me, you know I love hearing love stories and love dating content. Consider this blog article a conversation that attempts to bridge a gap between men and women who are in the dating world.
We have these conversations a lot.
Men.
Picture this: the girls, in a group hangout, in a cafe.
Or on a phone call while manicuring or eating a doughnut.
Or in long-voice notes, in-between busy working days, team meetings and project deadlines.
Inside these conversations you can find us showing each other photos of our latest crush, sharing memes about dating, and laughing about something silly we said/did on a date.
But taking it one step deeper: what’s at the heart of the conversations about these girls’ love lives? what are they frustrated with? what do they wish was different?
Here’s a sneak peak. I invite you to read this. Yes, you’re actually invited, after I took the girls’ permission to post their thoughts.1
I had a chat with 6 of my female friends who are single, mid to late twenties. Six beautiful, smart, fun girls who are very different in their personalities but are all dear to my heart. They have different experiences with guys, some went to a few dates, others have been in talking stages that went nowhere, others had long-term relationships and others were engaged before. I asked them what annoys them from guys, romantically speaking.
Here is what they had to say:
I asked my question: what bothers you from guys who are interested in you? what things you think they are doing wrong?
“Spending too long in limbo space, in the relationship-not-defined time, even when I try to drop hints on “what’s next”, the playing along of estehbal/ not defining things continues. It makes me feel that he is not serious and that he sees this as leisure/tasleya.“
“I hate that guys take a lot of time to say something because they are just sooo afraid they will be rejected so they keep holding back until someone else comes and say something and then they regret not saying anything in the first place.”
Do you see a pattern here? I do. Seriously, I understand doing this as teenagers or high schoolers, but at some point as we grow older, this is a huge turn-off.
I understand you like her but are still unsure, valid. I understand you want to take your time and not rush things, also valid. But honestly, we understand this too AND we appreciate clarity not confusion.
Are you interested but cautious or just being extra friendly or only interested in something casual? We cannot keep deciphering your words and actions, it gets exhausting and boring.
Sure, we are not expecting you to drop on one knee immediately, but also our feelings, energy and time are too precious to waste meaninglessly (and yours also). If you are not looking for anything serious or are just being friendly, then at least be honest with yourself and mindful with your words and actions.
So, back to the ladies and what they have to say about annoying behavior from men:
“If he is pursuing you and also flirts with other girls! Makes you feel like you’re not enough, wonder what you’re doing wrong, and feel uncertain and anxious. I consider it a red flag, it is really annoying even if he claims it’s nothing.”
Yes, women appreciate men who are respectful and make them feel special and chosen.
“Another thing that really hits hard is when I am also interested and start to be invested and they don’t have to chase anymore and that’s it. It’s like they’ve won a bet or there has to be constant, mental games to keep them hooked which I find really an immature, inauthentic thing to do to keep someone around.”
Yes, women appreciate men who are mature, consistent, and who continually put in effort, not just at the beginning.
“Adding emotions early on while we are still early just getting to know each other.. immature emotions based on dopamine rushes or excitement not reasoning and true compatibility.. I believe it stems from immaturity or being spoiled, looking for the feel good rather than build something good.”
Wow, and then they say that women are too emotional. Well, I can attest that in many cases, men do need to slow it down with the emotions.
Here is something else worth noting:
“The one that bothers me the most is putting pressure on a girl who is clearly not interested or lost interest (by texting or repeating requests) especially if the disinterest is clear”
“Not understanding when to stop when I am showing clearly that I am not interested, that can be seen in how they’re being pushy, trying to cross boundaries, or pressuring me into going out with them.”
I agree. I understand that a guy may want to try again, but if a girl is NOT responding with enthusiasm to your attempts over and over and over again, she is signaling disinterest. The consistent attempts will not make anything different. And honestly, it really bothers the girl, like really.
With that, I would like to finish my first blog article in this series.
Stay tuned to read the same women’s answers to other questions like what single women wish single men knew.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, this being a conversation, I am intending to write from men’s perspective as well!
All the italics are my friends’ quotes. I did not include my personal opinion in the quotes. The rest of the article are my thoughts. Some things they said highly resonate with me, other things I can’t relate to at all or I even disagree with. But I made sure I show the variety.